I don’t watch melodramas, except for Sirius, That Winter the Wind Blows
is the first for me. I don’t like to be depressed when I watch Korean
dramas, although I do like depressing movies. When I watch a Kdrama I
want to let go of real life and watch something fun and bit on the
ridiculous side. I want to watch something that I know will have a
happy ending. The same reason I like Disney Princess movies because I
want to see a happily ever after. Going into a true melodrama, you
never really know if at the end you’ll get that happy ending. So as a
general rule I tend to stay away from them, however, when I first saw
the trailer for That Winter the Wind Blows I was determined to watch it. Besides, I’m already sad that Flower Boy Next Door ends next week a bit more melancholy will hardly register. (BTW, are you watching Flower Boy Next Door? And if not, why not? Go, now, watch it. I’ll wait here.)
The drama opens in a barren winter landscape where a lone tree breaks
the unending white of winter. Underneath the tree is a parcel of
clothing, and as we see a woman quickly walk away from the tree we are
given a glimpse of a baby in the parcel. This is our “hero” Oh Soo, who
we find out in the voice over is living a meaningless life. The barren
tree is very significant because in many ways Oh Soo sees himself like
that tree devoid of life. The first episode sets us up for the main plot
of the drama and in parts it feels more like an action drama than a
melodrama. There are fights, flights, and car crashes. But beneath the
action you feel Oh Soo’s sense of desperation. I’ve seen all three
episodes out now, and that sense of desperation mixed in with deep
sadness prevails throughout the three episodes. It comes from Oh Soo
and also from the main female lead, Oh Young. Both of their lives, for
different reasons, have made them into innately sad people.
I think since the first episode was shockful of action scenes the
second and third episodes nothing really happened. The story moved
forward, people talked, the bad guy stalked, and I became completely
hooked on the drama. I can feel the sadness emanating from these two
characters, the loneliness they’ve lived with for most of their lives
and it touches something within me. I don’t want to cry, but I do want
to smack a few people.
My absolute favorite parts however are whenever Kim Bum and Jung Eun Ji
are on camera and not just because I happen to adore them, but because
they have wonderful chemistry together and become a backdrop to showcase
that although Oh Soo might be lonely he isn’t really alone. I don’t
want to spoil the drama go watch it, well, after you’ve caught up with Flower Boy Next Door of course.
I haven't knit a comfortable stitch since January. I've started and stopped numerous projects. Cast on scarves, shawls, sweaters, socks, blankets, and hats gotten a few rows, hell, a few stitches in and ripped them all back. My hands shake as I knit. My brain becomes numb. I can feel my heart pound and my breath hitch as I try to make just one more stitch but to no avail. Whether it's a few minutes work or a few hours I rip it all out, and those minutes, those hours I've spent knitting were painful. My soul being sucked out of my body painful. It's not a physical pain, fuck that I could deal with, it's a pain that's lodged somewhere between my heart, throat, and brain. It's frustration and unshed tears. It's that lump in your throat when you are so sad that crying isn't enough. It's wanting to scream at the top of your lungs as you destroy everything around you pain. For the past two and a half months I've felt that way, with no earthly idea as to why. I smile for the benefit of those around me. I pretend that I'm okay, but I'm not. The smile I put on is brittle if they were to look closely they would be able to see the cracking edges of it, but I've mastered pushing people away. I don't let them get too close because I don't think I can keep the screams inside if they brushed beside me.
I've lost my knitting mojo. I'm gonna pretend that's why I feel this way. So, I'm going to try to cast on again, knit a few rows, slowly a stitch at a time, and regardless of the pain I'm going to keep knitting until I have something, anything. And stitch by stitch I'm going to let go.
